job offer - composer: resilience required
Quite a common phenomenon amongst composers is having a massive high after a premier but being so overwhelmed by the experience finding it difficult to be fully receptive to that praise or even too shy to be open enough to receive it but then absolutely craving it in the days to follow. There is no system for that. Well, apart from compliment Tuesday invented by a dear composer friend of mine. But in all seriousness, it can be a rollercoaster of emotions.
I’m deep in studies at the moment and one thing that strikes me is the amount of theory that exists behind human interactions and processes. There are whole methodologies behind running groups that I had no idea about. I will be using them and embracing them now obviously but it makes me think about all the diverse situations we are thrown into as composers where suddenly we might be giving a talk, or negotiating a fee, running a rehearsal, reading a review or even justifying an experience to ourselves.
It always fascinates me how much energy is poured into artists, poets and musicians once they are dead and gone, and frankly its too late. Obviously there are wonderful institutions and funds attending and supporting living composers who have greatly supported me over the years (Sound and Music, Paul Hamlyn Foundation, PRS Foundation to name a few) but I still encounter individuals with a total lack of understanding of what it is like to be self employed in a competitive industry particularly feeling the effects of these times.
What is maybe invisible to them is aside from writing the piece, we may well have written the funding application (having been turned down the first or even second time), battled for days to find the best idea, battled with ourselves, turned down other work to write the piece, found the musicians, attended rehearsals, doubted the piece, believed in the piece, travelled to the venue with butterflies in our stomach, stood up and bowed, felt judged, felt proud, felt exposed, felt elated, felt flat, questioned our own professional standing, felt hopeful, heard nothing, felt indifferent….like I said, a rollercoaster of emotions...then we pick ourselves up and find the strength to start all over again.
It goes without saying that it's a huge privilege to be able to express ourselves for a living. But next time you are at a concert where the composer is present, please, go up to them and be really really nice, and then contact them a few days later and be even nicer ;)